The holiday season is an especially difficult time for those who are dealing
with grief following the death of a loved one. At a time when we should all be
celebrating with our family and friends, sharing times of love and thanksgiving,
many are experiencing feelings of sadness and loneliness. No matter how much we
surround ourselves with the closeness of family and friends, it is impossible to
forget the memories of past holidays when our loved ones were here. It is also
impossible not to wonder what the present holidays would be like if our loved
ones had not been taken from us.
Whether the death of a loved one was recent or whether it occurred many years
ago, we may be reminded of the loss and painful feelings of grief each time we
sit down at a dinner table or gather to exchange gifts. We are surrounded by
sights and sounds that trigger memories of holidays past and dreams that might
have been. Even if we believe that we have found a way to cope with everyday
life, the holiday season is a time that can bring a renewed sense of these
painful feelings of grief.
There are some suggestions to keep in mind as you move through this difficult
time.
- Surround
yourself with loving, caring people who will allow you to talk about your
feelings without criticism or judgment. The feelings of grief are expressed as
a result of giving and receiving love. As long as we are able to love, we will
also feel the pain following the death of a loved one. Everyone expresses these
painful feelings differently. The important message here is to find a way to
express your feelings and respect those close to you as they express their
feelings in a manner that may be unfamiliar or uncomfortable for you.
- Eliminate
unnecessary stress.
- Do
not over-extend yourself.
- Pay
attention to what your body may be telling you.
- Be
honest with yourself and rest when you've had enough.
- Mention
the name of the person who has died. As others may avoid mentioning your loved
one's name in an attempt to avoid hurting you, be honest with them and teach
them that it is more painful not to talk about this person. Remember how
important they are to your life.
- Do
what you believe is best for you during the holidays. Well-meaning people may
attempt to tell you what they think is best. Pay attention to your own needs,
discuss them with a caring friend and then explain to
your family what you believe is best for you.
- Plan
ahead and decide which family traditions you want to continue and which new
traditions you want to begin.
- Anticipate
the activities of family gatherings rather than reacting when caught off guard.
- Allow
yourself the opportunity to change your mind if you feel it is inappropriate.
- Embrace
your memories. Allow yourself to remember happy times,
and allow yourself to laugh. If memories bring about sadness, then allow
yourself to cry. Whether happiness or sadness, these feelings are a natural
expression of our love for the one who is no longer here.
- Take
this time to define the positive things because they are what bring about a true
sense of meaning and well-being.
Celebrate life this holiday season!
Thanks to MADD for this information
